Ok, I'm going to try to let some steam off.

I am at a point in my life now, where I canbe the most confused I can possibly be.  After two years of messing around in college, I think I've finally realized over the past week how screwed I am, not just for college life in general, but perhaps the immediate years after graduation as well.  I have taken a non-traditional path in college, opting to do the things I found cool or can generate buzz.  Doing drumline, auditioning for Boomshaka, doing Taekwondo.  All these things, in retrospect, were totally useless.  Perhaps apart from the fact that I have the position as president, which is something to fit onto my resume, I don't think I have anything presentable to potential employers.

I had this grand but very naive scheme whenIfirst entered college that I would buck the trend that other college students take.  Hey, guess what, no asian has ever done drumline before, so why not do that?  And while I am at it, why don't I try to get on snare?  Instead of venting out my fustration with my high school drum instructor, I decided to keep it to myself and wait until college.  Big mistake, in retrospect.  I should have had to the guts to speak to him in person, and say "I've spent three years with you guys, helping you people out, coming all the way from freaking Flushing every Friday and Sunday, spending $10 a god-damn week, so that I can be stuck playing an instrument I don't like?  This is riduculous!"  But alas, because of fear, I wasn't able to do it.  I'm just afraid my ideas and thoughts won't be accepted, that I will be seen as a cast-out.  Or worse, somehow disgrace them.  No one was really there to tell me to stand up for myself.  Not my parents, not my friends from elementary to high school.  There was always the sense of putting other people before me.  One might think this is good, but for me its been taken to the extreme, to the point where it is having a detrimental effect on my life.  Sometimes, I can't even really see what's ahead of me in the future, becuase I can't seem to get anything I wanted.

Yeah, quite depressing.  But I've got to survive, I can't let this get to me.